Why Do I Feel the Need to Tell People I'm Busy?

Written by Joshua chinedu

Sometimes someone asks how you're doing, and you already know the answer you're going to give before you've even thought about the question and it's not because you don't have anything to say.

Because someone ask how you've been.

For a moment, you could tell them about the things you've been trying to hold together, the decisions you've been making, or even the fact that you haven't quite known how to explain how you've been feeling.

But somehow, saying all of that feels like too much.

So you give them the easier answer.

“I've been busy.”

Because there are certain answers that end a conversation before it has the chance to become one.

And you've probably heard those words.

You may have even said them too.

Because it comes so naturally that you might not even notice what you're saying.

Someone asks, “How have you been?” They're asking about you.

But somehow, the answer becomes your schedule.

Not,

“I've been okay.”

Not,

“It's been a difficult week.”

Not even,

“I'm fine.”

Just the simple phrase...

“I've been busy.”

For a long time, that answer can feel harmless.

Because maybe you've genuinely had things to do. Work to handle. Plans to make or even roblems to solve.

But there may also be times when the answer isn't quite true.

There are periods when you've barely spoken to someone, and if they asked what you've really been doing, the honest answer might be much simpler.

Noting much.

And maybe you've just been moving through the days.

Watching movies, Going out, just enjoying yourself or doing things that didn't need to lead you anywhere.

And there is nothing wrong with any of that but somehow, been honestly, and saying "nothing much” can feel heavier than it should.

So you reach for the safer answer.

“I've been busy.”

And strangely, the moment you say it, something inside you may relax.

Because you've given them an explanation.

But perhaps you've given yourself one too.

And that's where the word begins to become interesting because maybe you're not always using the word busy to describe your life.

Sometimes, you may be using it to defend it.

That's the consciousness of making the time you've spent look more meaningful than it felt.

To make it sound like you've been building something or moving forward and even the feeling of making good use of yourself.

The person asking you that question may never have asked you to prove any of that.

Yet somehow, you offer the proof anyway.

And underneath that proof, there may be something else.

Which I identify as Guilt.

And it's not necessarily guilt because you've done something wrong.

But the guilt that something inside you makes you believes you should have been doing something else.

Because you can spend an entire day resting, watching something you enjoy, going out, or simply doing nothing in particular.

And instead of allowing the day to just be a day, you may find yourself keeping score. While saying things like:

What did I actually accomplish today?

What do I have to show for it?

Did I use my time well?

And admist that self examination someone now ask how you've been, and the response “I've been busy” becomes an easy answer.

And that's because it covers the silence and the uncertainty.

Sometimes, it even covers the guilt.

And the strange thing is that free time isn't a crime and rest isn't a failure.

Because it's important to know that a day doesn't become worthless and every hour shouldn't turn into an achievement.

Yet somewhere along the way, it becomes easy to treat your unused time as wasted time.

And once that belief settles in, doing nothing starts to feel like something that needs an explanation and maybe that's why the word busy can carry so much weight.

But it sounds like a very simple description while underneath it, there is a much more complicated sentence and feelings you are intentionally trying to avoid the next person from considering. And those feelings becomes an identity which you try to protect by avoiding the next person to stop feeling that you are wasting your life.”

“Please believe I'm trying.”

“Please believe I'm moving forward.”

And maybe, sometimes:

“Please don't ask me what I've really been doing.”

And that doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to deceive anyone.

Sometimes, you're simply trying to protect yourself from the feeling that you haven't done enough.

Because there is a strange kind of guilt that comes when you know you could have done more.

And you can enjoy your free time and still feel guilty about it.

You can even spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing wrong and still lie awake wondering whether you should have been more productive.

You can still have beautiful a life that is perfectly fine and still feel the need to make it sound busier.

That moment raises a question worth sitting with intentionally asking yourself:

Why does every of my free time need to be justified?

Why does “I rested” sometimes feel less respectable than “I was busy”?

Why does a full schedule sound like evidence of a meaningful life?

There is actually nothing wrong with working hard and some things worth building demand discipline, consistency, patience, and long days.

And the problem begins when work becomes the only language available for explaining your worth.

Because sometimes the problem isn't that you have too much to do, it's that you don't know how to be comfortable when you have nothing to prove.

Maybe that's what makes the word busy feel so complicated and though it tells the truth and feels like a convenient version of the truth.

And sometimes, it becomes the answer you give when you don't want to explain why you feel guilty about how you've spent your time.

So the next time someone asks,

“How have you been?”

The interesting part won't be to find the right answer.

Perhaps it's noticing what happens inside you before you answer.

Because are you actually describing your life?

Or are you trying to make your life sound more purposeful than it currently feels?

Or are you answering the person who asked?

Or you are quietly answering something inside yourself?